I'm such a mess right now.

I'm so indecisive. I can't decide on anything. Or maybe I'm really fickle. Either way, it's not a health way to live. I'm still struggle trying to decide where I want to go. I have 1 1/2 choices, really. Hippee for me. I really needed to create more choices for myself. I need to make some life altering decisions. I'm sort of drifting, not like all my TV/Movie heroines, who are: fierce, independent, strong, take charge, and courageous. I don't know why I let things slip by. I'm not up to the challenge that is life, I guess.

A new, radical idea is simmering in my head. What if I take a semester off school and work? Actually experience other people's lives for once. I feed myself so much courage when I'm alone, telling myself that I CAN do it, but when push comes to shove, I'm feeble. Like jello. I need to learn how to take advantages of the situation and speak up for myself. I need to learn that. That could possibly be the best thing I could do for myself. Oh, what to do? What will I do without school, the backbone of my entire existence? If it for it, I'll be "dead". The question is, will I have enough courage to go through with my plan, with actually driving and finding work? How will I feel about do something I've never really done officially? I want those stories that people have. Oh, I hate my job, my boss, and my life. It would get me out of my HQ. I won't have much time for TV anymore. I'll think it over and decide soon. Now comes the hard part. Putting the plan into action. Actually telling someone about it. Because one you tell someone your intentions, you’re validating that plan and justifying it. It's also a promise to actually carry through with it.

I need a job. Any ideas? Will do almost anything. Almost. Willing to work hard, but not suffer for job. Little experience. But eager???? That's sort of my philosophy...do as little as possible to achieve something. Like do enough to get an A, but don't overwork or study because then it's a waste of that extra energy. And with that attitude, I predict that I'll be beyond successful. I'll own all of you someday. Just watch.

Written around March 23.