maybe, it's not really the French class...

That just started the spiral downward. It's indicative of my doubts, worries, pains, and insecurities.

I'm indecisive, and that doesn't help the matter. I'm not grounded enough. I don't know my barriers. I don't know what I want.

Is this a good decision?

I'm hoping time away will let me just savior the moment and not worry about it until I have to.

That's one of the mechanism that I'm using to carry on through the day, and it seems to work fine. But sometimes, I can't help it. Like worry about if I made the right decision about where I want to live. I think it'll be fine. It'll really be great because I choose a new, superb place that they just built.

If I had stayed, I could possibly connect with my friends again. I could build up a life, slowly, but under some comforts. I could get a job. Learn to be a little more independent.

I don't know. This is a huge step I'm taking, for me at least, and only time will tell if it's what I thought it would be and how much I'll survive.

I'm sure the first weeks we'll be euphoric, but then the monotony will set in.

A semester is a long time. Even when I'm at home, it's about 16 weeks. About 3 months worth.

So, French...hmm...presenting in that class will be a challenge for me. I just can't think about it too much. Because that's where the problem comes in. I worry too much. I psych myself out too often. That's my biggest problem. I'm a thinker. I think too much about all kinds of things. I'm not a doer, but a thinker.

So, from now on, I'm going to try to commit to not thinking as much as I tend too. I'm already trying this. When a negative thought enters my mind, I immediately try to deflect it somehow. It seems to work although not always to great success. I'm trying though, and it helps to calm my fears a little.

I want to enjoy the moment more, and I'm hoping the next two years of college will be more of an experience for me. I want to make it an experience. Ok, I'm not going to be that outgoing and involve, but I promise to not get down on myself too much, and not let me think other people won't like me.

I have to remember that this will only be a part of a whole experience. I look at the details and forget about the big picture.

It's only as bad as I make it to be.

I can't let little details get to me. That's when the break down occurs.

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