trying to belong

I like to remember the good things about my family. I know some people have done terrible things, but I only see them for 2 months out of the year (sometimes more than a year). I’m more emotionally disconnected than 2 years to them, so I want to come here and create lasting memories.
***It’s difficult for me to explain my family’s lives here because I don’t understand how different it is. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve become too far removed from them when I’m in the US. So much so that I forget about them and this place.

Here, my purpose to come back and live here is strong. But when I get back to the US, I forget about my promise to return. I forget that, all along, I’ve wanted to live here and be closer to my family.

But I don’t belong in either places. I’ve always felt like an outcast in my own inner family, in the US, and in here. Thailand makes me feel more included than any other place. But I don’t belong here either. I may look the same, but I’ve become to foreign to my environment for me or anyone else to consider me one of them.

Sometimes I feel so alone. A lot of times, I feel alone. Otherwise, situations remind me that I’m alone.

Random snippet:
-- Thai TV has about 6 channels. Six! Compare that to the US. Wow. In Thailand, I only live off channel 7 for its dramas. In the US, even with hundreds of channels, sometimes I still can’t find anything good to watch. Imagine!