getting me down

I'm talking with my friends, and it's getting me seriously down. Hmm...I wish I could know either way. And I won't until a couple of months away, and then it's a couple of months of trying it out.

I never realized how much anxiety this decision would cause me. I suffered a lot before hand, trying to come to this decision, and when I made it, it was suppose to be fine. Done. Over with.

But guess what, nothing in my life turns out the way I thought it would. Nope. Instead, it replaced with even more headache and butterflies in my stomach feelings.

Hmm...I had a chance to fix it, but again, I didn't. I can't change anything unless I made a definite decision right now. I left the door open for another option, but I'm still torn.

Now, it's a matter of whether or not I can weather the storm of insecurity and self-doubt and go through with it. The problem is I don't know if I can. That’s the main sticking point. I'm terrified of the unknown. There are so many variables out there that can frighten me.

Sometimes, a little smile crept up and makes me glad that I’ll see a change of pace. That I'm comfortable with this decision. That I’ll be fine. That it'll be great for me. It’ll be an experience I can look back on. Often, I think that it's good because I’ll have stories to tell. Everyone goes through horrible periods. Maybe this can be one of them. I can say that I experience horrible roommate, terrible food, and hard, agonizing classes. Either way, I’ll have stories to tell. Maybe that's what it's all about.

I read somewhere, from someone, that college isn't about, well so much about getting an education as learning and perfecting social skills for the future. That’s the real lesson college teaches you. That if you haven't learnt how to interact and respond to people when you get out of college, then you've wasted your chance at a great experiment of social communication that you'll need later on in life.

How I respond to college, classes, houses, people will determine how much I got out of that social interaction and at what level I am on the social interaction scale.

In order for me to succeed, I need to find my niche there. If I do, then I’ll thrive. Hopefully, a couple of friends will help the transition.

5/22