The boy's got me.

I haven't been writing as much this past month. Mostly it's due to schoolwork taking up time. There's also this boy that I've used up most of my free minutes thinking about.

The end of the semester is not even a week old yet, and I still am using all my free minutes thinking about that boy. It's always about some boy, isn't it? I just miss him. I miss the little jokes, the semi-flirting, and the laughing. I miss having something to look forward to. I miss being concerned about what to wear and look nice around him.

I missed him so much that I did something I hate, and it's completely irrational. I got one of those crappy, semi-spam emails about making a wish, and if you do, it will come true after you forward the same email to a thousand of your friends. If you don't, then beware the curse of not having a relationship for such and such amount of years. But if you were good and followed the instructions, then someone that loves you will ask you out. I was terrified of never seeing him again that I panicked and quickly followed all the instructions. If that email had been sent during a different state of my emotions, then it would be automatically deleted.

I think this is the first time I've experienced the emotion of wanting someone. The morning after I saw him, I couldn't concentrate. I panicked because after class ended I didn't know how else I was going to see him. I came up with excuses to try to call him because I didn't want him to forget about me. (So needy and pathetic, I know).

I am having a massive regret attack. I shouldn't have played hard to get because I really like him.

December 1st, whoa!

I'm done with my second to last semester of my undergraduate career. SO weird to type and imagine.

It's scary that in about 6 months I'll be leaving the comforting confines of college. Off to the real world.

For now, my short-term plans include doing laundry. I haven't done laundry in about 3 weeks. The last two weeks of school I totally phoned it in with clothing. I kept wearing the same two pair of jeans.

Don't order books from ...

... because they'll send you a book with the wrong ISBN tag and still claim that they sent you the right book. Let me explain. I wanted to order a Statistics book, the 7th ABBREVIATED edition. So I went on Half.com, and ordered it from them. Yet, when I received the book, they sent me the non-ABBREVIATED edition, but they put the ID tag complete with title that states it is an ABBREVIATED edition and the ISBN number that matches the ABBREVIATED EDITION. So to them, they sent the right book because the ISBN matches.

I tried explaining this to them, but of course they went by the ISBN sticker that they printed and insists that they sent the right book. I don't think that by sticking a ISBN sticker on a book that does not match the actually book qualifies as "WE SENT YOU THE RIGHT BOOK."

Of course, I had to pay my own shipping costs to get the refund.

It's not a good business practice to try to pass off certain books as others. I've ordered books from the Internet before. And "sometimes books have different ISBN numbers" aint's going to cut it either.

I'm getting angrier as I type this, so I'm going to stop now.

I'm tired.

Second day of school. Results? I'm tired, fatigued, and worried. I've been to 5 out of 6 classes, and some were better than others. I still have International Business, which I think will be a tough class as it involves a group project.

Today I didn't see any familiar faces, so that made it hard.

I am officially stressed out

I hate college. I hate to start of a new semester. I hate waking up early to go to class. I hate sitting in class taking boring notes. I hate having to rush to class to get the "good" seat. I hate having to read for class. I hate having to prepare for projects and presentations. I just hate all of it. And the thought of all of this makes me sick. Like in wanting to cry-my-eyes-out sick.

Nervous

The beginning of the semester is only a few days away, and I'm beginning to feel nervous. Or rather full on panic mode anxiety is creeping its way into my mind.

I have 11 courses left till I'm able to graduate. This breaks down to either 6 courses for Fall/5 for spring or 5 courses now/6 for spring. Dammit. If I only knew this I would not have let it work out this way. I've already tried taking 6 courses last semester and that didn't last a day. I should have taken it then. Now I have harder classes to contend with. Will see how it goes.

I never know how to deal with the beginnings of school. It's a mix of emotions. Plus I have to get up so damn early. I think that's what I'll miss most. The sleep.

Hopes for the next few days: I hope not to freak out too much, and over analyze the details. I need to let go. And once I do, my anxiety might drop a few notches.

Here's to a fast, painless semester.

I don't know what to say

I'm looking forward to the semester ending, but I can't face 3 months without some type of structure even if it means pulling my hair out over stupid assignments. I just can't.

I'm looking forward to Thailand. BUT I can't face the fact that I'm not going alone. 2 months in a confined space with the person that fills my gut with hatred--it's something I'm going to have to get over or it'll destroy me. I doubt anyone will see it my way. People are too shallow. Oh well.

Snore

I want to write something, but I don't know what. I've saved a couple of drafts that I'll at one point or another turn into real posts worthy of publishing. But right now I'm going 360 degrees in directions I can't make sense of.

I'm pushing myself to study harder. I haven't taken those long, wasteful breaks I'm known for. I'm just tired, and I don't know how to deal with it.

I also won't be having Spring Break this semester. I've got schools overlapping their breaks, thus giving more reason to hate life.

I'm bitter.

How much it sucks to be a college student right now

It's not just about the exams and class assignments and the socializing you are forced to do at college that makes life miserable. It's the finances too. It's getting fracken' ridiculous to go to college. Tuition isn't so bad, but only if it's tuition, and not all that extra fees they add that I don't really see any benefit of, really. Plus, I don't think Financial Aid really covers very much. I still have to pay for about 1/3 of the total cost on my own. Plus around $500 for books is salt to the wound. I'm forced to scour the Internet for the cheaper international edition textbooks (that are supposedly the same content. Let's see if that is true).

And the government is going to raise interests because of the $40 billion budget-cutting bill. It's going to be a fixed rate at around 6.8%. Frak!

2 weeks left till Spring semester starts...

and I'm feeling nauseous (or is it nauseated?) just thinking about it. An 18-hour course load. Nothing to look forward to. I think I'll hate this semester more than any other. Last semester was tough because of my three history classes and the reading that was required (although I did little of it fully). But 6 classes on two different campuses might just slay me.

School's out

Thank Goodness.

What an incredibly tiring and busy semester. Of course, after getting only a couple of hours sleep for the past couple of days, I'm glad to announce that I can sleep in till the sun goes down for a whole frickin month! Hallelujah! See the rewards I get.

I have to say it's been incredibly rewarding as well. I always feel like it has to be this way. I'm glad for the people I got to meet. It's been a fun semester. I haven't had a fun one in a while.

Now comes the hard parting in deciding what to do for a whole month. I can’t just not do anything. Maybe I’ll read. But what do I read? Go exploring? But it’s frickin’ winter, and I don’t do well in the cold. Making excuses? Have that down. Will see. Will see.

people pissing me off in class

I don't know why, but I was kinda in a pissy mood yesterday. It didn't help that my classmates grated on my nerves.

They don't like the teacher because they can't understand them. And what is the solution? Don’t come to class! Way to solve the problem.

night owl

I just finished preparing for my history test tomorrow. Yes! Nothing like finishing something at 12:30pm and realizing that you only have 5 hours till the alarm clock does its business. Of course, if I had spend some time over the weekend reading, then I might not be here. But there's nothing like depriving your mind and body of rest, except maybe for the deep naps you get to take afterwards. Anyways, my joints are too tired to want to type any longer.

Good night me.

my calling

I think I'm starting to get into the groove of things again after that long summer break. Know how I know? Procrastinatin'. It's really my calling.

When will I feel like reading William Marshal? And when will my El Cid book arrive?

Exhaustion

I’m beginning to be familiar with the feeling.

And it doesn't help when long winded lectures either, especially when you have to concentrate.

Tomorrow’s a shorter day. Here’s hoping for a less tiring day.

grades are in

and I made As in all my classes, except for the one I dropped, of course. [BLEEP] YEAH!!! But I’m wondering, huh? How’s that possible. I remember writing about how much this semester sucked, how I never got used to the pace, and how I fell behind early on.

I'm not so much proud as I am more relieved than ever. Thank You, God. (I know it was you.)*

I can't wait for next semester...wait, I'm changing my mind as I write this. I am kinda looking forward to next semester because now I have a little bit more confidence going in, but I'm going to have a larger course load, and I can't drop any more courses.

Phew. I'm going to go enjoy it a little bit more before I want/have to think about next semester.

YAY FOR ME!

*Can anyone tell me if the period is supposed to go outside or inside of the parenthesis? I need to go look it up, but I’m lazy. It’s summer vacation, people. Where's Eats, Shoots & Leaves when you need it?

a look back at the semester

there were several times where i just phoned it in, especially with my two papers.

let us call this the phone it in semester shall we.

done!

I’m done with finals!!!

Except I have this massive crick in my neck. I can't turn my head to the left.
Ouchie.

i hate crappy people in schmancy fancy cars who drive fast in the rain, splashing a wall of water on me

It was raining like crap today, complete with thunder and lightening. It only rains like this when I have to go somewhere—only when I have to walk to class or run an errand. .

Seriously, my jeans were getting wetter and wetter. The umbrella didn't help.

So I was walking back along a sidewalk and a rush of water was coming down that way, right next to the sidewalk.

This one "dude" (I don't know if the person is male or female) driving a 'fancy schmancy' car speeds by and gushes a bunch of water on me. Stupid jerk. It’s always people who think they're all that, driving around in their ridiculously expensive car.

The guy behind that 'dude' didn't drive so close to the curb where all the water was running down. At least he was considerate and realized that when cars drive on water, it splashes people walking on the sidewalk.

Do you know what I think?

Karma's a bitch, dude.

final

Finals week: One week of finals, and I'm done done done with school this semester. My worst semester of college thus far. I was behind all semester, and when I did manage to catch up, I fell behind again. It didn't help that I procrastinated my 1st month. That's what got me. I should have studied hard in January because there wasn't much due. Instead I catch up on leisure reading. I read about 6 books including standouts like The Da Vinci Code (finally got to read it) and Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (loved it, but it was loooong). Alas, I didn't and my grades are going to suffer. No As this semester--a first also. I have a feeling that few and far between As are going to come my way.

Final week of on campus living: I'm glad to be gone. I loved being able to walk to class each day, especially not having to wait up hours ahead of time to get ready, which I will have to do next semester. But I hated dealing with representatives of housing. Such pains. Asinine rules. I did enjoy having a stranger for my roommate. That worked out extremely well, especially when I've never lived with someone I've never met before. Great girl.

Final year of being 20: I liked being 20 because it was an even number. Nice, round number. 21 is supposed to be all special and everything, but I'll miss 20. I don't wanna be 21. Nooooo...I keep getting older and older, but I haven't grown (personally) with my age.