May Days

I haven't thought a lot of May lately, but I should. 8 more days till my b-day. No plans yet, and I probably won't have any.

I also have no comprehension of turning 20. None what so ever. Everyone says it's big, but I'm not feeling it.

I need to spend the next 8 days living being 19. It's weird that once you turn 20 or whatever age, you have no recollection of being 19 or your previous age even though the age difference may only be seconds or minutes. Soon I'm going to forget all about being 19, and I'm going to miss it.

Maybe I should write down all the things I learnt while being 19. I think that'll help me see how far I've become even though I may not know it. I'll wait till my b-day to post it.

It's been a really busy week, and also a really draining one mentally and emotionally. A lot going on, and a lot to think about. I haven't resolved any issues yet.

I hate getting older, not because I'm going to have one less year to live, but one year went by in my life that I feel I really didn't do any with. I now have one less year to do something with my life. It doesn't help that I talk a really big game, but never actually put any plans into action, but that loss hurts so much.

I hate being nostalgic because I see all things I could have done. I always look back and bemoan the loss opportunities.

I don’t want to get all whiny now, but I just realized, this morning when my dad mentioned it, how close my b-day is. That’s all.