ear infections? I've never had them

At my old school, swimming was compulsory i.e. part of the curriculum i.e. damn for me.

It was only for half an hour and we only had class for half a year, which amounts to about 4, 5, or 6 classes at most. And we never really did anything rigorous in class. Just some drills, and we got to play water polo at least once.

Still, swim class was a nightmare for someone as self conscious as me. I was determined to miss at least one class if I could.

Before time came for swimming I would calculate how many classes there would be, and came up with a plan to skip those classes. I would miss at least one, (two at most, but usually only one class) class with some lame excuse like I had my period. Girls get to use that excuse. (I could only use period once because the swim teachers kept note of it.) If there were 5 classes, I’d probably throw in an ear infection or two in there. I think 'a bad cough' made it's way in there too.

The thing is, I’ve never had an ear infection, and because I claimed to have them often, I had no idea how painful it could be. It was only years later did I find out what having an ear infection entailed. I just came up with the illness because it was one of those that could get me out of class.

So to anyone who's ever had an ear infection: sorry mate, and I feel your pain (well, kind of...)