It's me trying to talk myself into breaking my fear

I'm scared. Plain and simple. As long as I'm in my room I can remain protected and safe. Nothing can harm me. I know my way around this room. I put it together. But get me thinking about what happens once I leave that room, and you'll have my heart racing. I'm not built to deal with the outside world. So I can to struggle every time I'm out there. It's been a learning experience to fight my way through every chance I get.

I know I'm capable of so much more. I know that. I keep telling myself this. But I have yet to prove it. I keep rationalizing that I can do that if I wanted to. But I haven't done the if yet.

I don't know why I just don't break out and gave myself a chance. I should do it. It’s not out of my reach. It's never out of my reach, but I never reach that high.

I don't know. I just don't know.

You know what. I'm just going to do it. (Ok, this statement is usually followed by, "I'll do it later. Let me think about it for a while.") See, I'm backing out already. I think too much. That's another one of my problems. If I didn't rationalize so much, then I wouldn't worry so much.

I really want to do this, but I'm still faced with the fear. It's all about fear. I need to get over this hump. If I can just get over it, then it will do tons for my confidence. Then there isn't anything I can't do. Then I could go away for a while and not spend so much time in my room.

I would get to live a little. It's never too late to do that, right?