Stuck

I'm lost. I'm stuck in a bubble I don't know how to get out of. I don't want to leave. Not now. Not ever. I don't know what to do or think or feel. I want a redo. I want to stop it while I could. Things would have been different if I had. I wouldn't have felt weakened and despair and utter frustration at being unable to control a situation I was in charge of. None of these things had to happen if only I would have just say said something. Been strong. Taken charge. Said what I felt. Said it sooner. It wasn't a big deal. Not a big deal. But now the inevitable looms ahead and I don't have any answers. None. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to go through with it. Why did I get myself in this situation. Why didn't I do want I was going to do. That time in the library when I decided on what I wanted to do. When I had already made up my mind. I should have done it in the car. It was the perfect time. Perfect Timing. Is there such a thing. I could have spared myself months of suffering, of uncertainty. But I didn't. And here we are. What to do now. Now that's happened. Continue down the same path. Or what? What is that path. What is the same path that I could continue down? What is anything anymore. What is it...