your history

I think I have it. An epiphany. I can't believe I didn't think about this earlier. I hate that I'm so indecisive. It stops everything; it stops me from making plans and from planning ahead. In just one night, you can plan your future. Your future becomes clear to you. In just one instant, you know now after a life time of not knowing.

Before, in one night I thought I knew what I wanted. I decided I didn't want to do business anymore. Instead, I should turn my attention to art history. It's a perfect combination of art and history. Two topics that greatly interest me. Well, that got shot down pretty quick, but I persevered for a little bit longer but also gave up. In just one night, I think I know what, or partially, what my future holds. I answered one of my burning questions: What should I do with my life? Well, I've only decided what I want to major in. For someone who is so incredibly bad at making decisions, this was a huge step forward. I think I'll major in history. Now, this is not a big surprise because I've stated all along that history is my backup plan, but why not make your backup a reality? It makes sense because I don't think I'll ever make a decision, and soon. Not unless I've tried all my majors. So, history it is. It feels good to finally know what I want to major in, what direction my life/career might take. It's broad enough for me to go in several directions. That's the appeal.

However, the burden of choosing history as a degree is people asking: "What are you going to do with history? Do you want to teach?" I have looked at a list of possible careers people with a history degree go into. I'm not as concerned with that as I used to be. I realized that just because you majored in history doesn't mean that your whole life and career has to be history related. A college degree helps you get a job. It should open doors, not slam them in your face. I realized that people can become managers without having a business degree. See, I didn't understand that before. I thought I could never get into a business school unless I majored in business first. I know that people can major in history and have a masters in computer science. I know that your undergrad and grad doesn't have to be similiar. This was a huge lesson to learn because it gives me hope. My life isn't set in stone. I can change my mind. It's my prerogative. I just have to be responsible for my choices and be willing to live up to them.

International studies is such a big draw. But I could always do a masters in that. Or I'll major in history, but I can also minor in I.S. I liked this major [I.S.] because it has international development and area studies. Plus, at least 4 other concentrations that are interesting. It's history, geo, and other social sciences all rolled into one except with an international twist. But, to stripe down the bare essentials, I was interested because I wanted to know the history of the area and place. To quote a great thinker: How things came to be this way. I watch the news and it helps to know the history/root of the conflicts. That's where history comes to play. I would love to do I.S., but I'm I also have to consider the college. It's not that simple. I love history; it's always been my favorite subject. I.S. is new and alien. It's choosing between the past or present. I think I'm liking the past right now. I should've taken the hints from all the cartoons that's been appearing.

Now the big question is: History or Historical Studies? History is a pure history degree whereas historical studies is mixture of literature and philosophical strains. Art history. I should've known.

Still, who knows. I could change my mind any second. Could have another epiphany, and poof! All this excitement at finally deciding and making a decision could be replaced by another bout of anxiety and waiting. Waiting for me to decide something. I'm weak in that respect. I can't make up my mind.