cactus confusion

I think my cactus is dying. And it's my fault. I'm not sure what to make of it. It's been in the same container that I brought it in. And I think I've had it for about a year. I rarely water it, and only because it's a cactus. It lives in the desert. There's not a lot of rain in the desert. Or should I water it because it's not used to a lot of water? Should I pamper it more? Does that look like a healthy cactus to you? I know that the bottom half is becoming brown. Is that a sign that I need to water it more?

Is it possible for a cactus to die? I always thought that you just left it there and, it'll be fine. If I'd known you had to care for it, I don't think I would've brought it. However, I do let it have sunlight. Almost everyday too. Especially on the days that I remember to put it on my window still. Ok, to be guilt free, I just got up and watered it.

Speaking of confusion, I have so much going on right now, and a lot of which is out of my hands...But on to another topic completely: I was such a fool today. Daylight Savings Time wreaked havoc for me. I didn't turn my clock forward, and almost paid the price. Sometimes I'm a complete idiot...ok, so back to my dilemma. I don't know what else to do, but to play the wait game. There are two possibilities: the old or the new. I'm leaning toward the new because I'd love to try to start over, and I'm itching for some traveling and adventure. But that's a whole headache within itself. The old is safe and secure and boring and bland. However, it's what I've known, and what I'm used to. I don't do well in pressure cooker situations, so maybe I shouldn't put myself into them.

I'm also dependent on other people. And I might have to start to depend on myself. I have always told myself that I could do it when the time comes, but I've never had to face such a time. This is more serious than I thought. Will I be able to survive on my own? Nope. I don't think so. Not at first. I dreamed of independence, but in a controlled way. To be on my own for the first time ever is not something I'm looking forward to. I'll have to interact with people, and you know I'm not going to have none of that. People scare me to death!

Too many thoughts about this going on and not enough posts to cover them all. I'll limit myself to a few comments here and there. It gets too draining to spill every thought I've had about my sad life, and it's down right depressing.