talking...and more talking

I talk a lot about TV; I think everyone is clear on that. You may be thinking, "Why don't you join a discussion group or something." But, you see, I have experimented with that in the past, and I haven't found it as fulfilling as I hoped. Plus, here, I don't have to adhere to someone's else's standards; I have control. I think because I'm talking to strangers, and I haven't post long or often enough to get to know those tubers that well. I feel like my opinions are lost on strangers, which is ironic since I’m keeping a blog, and writing to strangers, hoping they're reading.

But, it feels really out there...it's hard to write about what you feel in front of strangers...your anxious or at least I am about revealing too much of yourself. Because then you become too vulnerable, and you agonize over whether you come across like a complete idiot on paper. You flinch at the thought of someone reading your opinion over and over again, analyzing your words, and picking apart your logic. It’s hard to swallow...to just be ok with what you wrote, and not beat yourself over posting your thought for the world to see. I have that problem. I want a person to see me (online I’m talking about here) as intelligent, aware, and articulate. Someone who knows her stuff.

But I don't know how I come across on paper; I know what I’m like in person, and I’m not always (or I haven't had the chance to be) like my online persona. At least I think they are both different. I’m quieter, out of everyone's way in person. I’m a blip. I hope this outlet lets me express my views and personality, and the little things I’ve wanted to say, but I have no one to say them too. I’d like to think I’ve changed. That I’m really not two completely separate person, on and off line, but rather my online personality is the extrovert version of me. It’s an extension that I don't get to show off often or not at all. I think people will be surprised at the things I say or how I come off on screen because I’m not like that in person or so they think. But it's all a part of me...I just get to write about it.

I get to say things that normally would be hard for me to do in person, and I’m thankful that I have this blog, my personal space, to get all the stuff that's simmering in my head out. It's made me saner, and everyone should be thankful for that.

(Written around March 29)