i can't imagine what I'm like as a daughter

I've only see it from my point of view, which is totally screwed. It's like looking into a broken mirror. Fragmented. Confused. Nothing makes sense. I wonder how the outside world looks at me all the time, but I've never thought about my parents. Well, I did, but I always thought that they judged me. They used some foregn measurement that didn't apply to me at all. I was so convinced of it. It started very young.

Probably, before I arrived In SA. Even. My mommy was being taken away from me. I didn't know how to deal with it.

I had a lot of resenment for my mom. A lot. My sib had a family. They got a mom who was there to raise them with a daddy also. I have tears in my eyes for revealing that.

It's so hard to look outside yourself for answers. Getting feedback can be illuminating. I try real hard. Maybe that's my problem. Or I think I tried really hard. I don't know which is correct.

(Written between week of April 26 to May 9)